*Warning*- Super sappy post ahead!
I keep a journal by my bed so that I can chronicle the days I have with my little one. I keep a journal for me and I write one for him. I actually started his journal before I even knew that he was a boy! It is in those pages that I declare how much I love being his mother. And some days that is enough. Other days, my heart is so full of happiness and love that I want to climb onto the roof of my house and shout it to the world. And I guess the equivalent of doing that, is getting on the world wide interweb and sharing it with YOU guys 😀
I’ve actually kept a journal since I was 7 years old. My entries back then range from: “My sister is a total butthead!” to “I love my sister! She helped me count all of my pennies, and now I know that I have $7! I’m rich!” Haha!
Anywho, I found all of my old journals yesterday so I thought I’d include some funny entries. Moving on.
The first thing I said after giving birth to my son, before the cord was even cut, was “Let’s do that AGAIN! Like…right now!”. Okay, that’s not completely true. The first thing I exclaimed was: “Oh my God! He’s so light-skinned!” Which had all of the nurses and my husband ROFL…I quickly added: “Not that I expected anything different!” Which had them laughing more…But then after that, I told my husband I wanted to do it again.
And I still feel the same way. I thought the initial high from birthing him/ adding to our family would fade over the months, but here I am still feeling it almost three months later.
Life is funny. I spent most of my 20’s declaring to everyone that I never wanted to have kids. I never would’ve imagined going to school for all of those years and getting a degree in Biology, only to become a stay-at-home-mother. (And the thought that I’ll never use my degree was so incredibly wrong. I use it all the time when I tell little bear about nature and how the world works. And I’m sure I’ll use it more once he starts talking!) But I digress..
Looking back, I see that everything I have been through has been a test from the Lord. Everything from the way I cared for my animals to how I handled my seven year nannying job. I now know that the Lord used all of those things to prepare me for motherhood. Believe me, there were times when I felt crazy. Like when I used to drive past trash in the road, and I would feel so strongly convicted that I had to stop my car to pick it up. Or when it would take me almost an hour to run 3 miles because I would stop to get all of the worms off of the running path and into the grass. I still do these things, but my conviction was much stronger then. I know that the Lord was saying: “If I can trust you with this, then I can trust you with My child.” He was testing my responsibility and my willingness to obey.
Like I said, I still feel convicted in those areas (to this day, I still get trash out of lakes and animals out of the road) but my conviction is now very strong in my dwelling place and my calling to motherhood. It feels like I have passed His test and my reward for being obedient to Him for all of those years is the happiness I feel now that He’s placed me in my sweet spot. And I know that I’m in my sweet spot because my heart would feel completely wrong to try to do/be anywhere else other than home with my child, and taking care of my household for our family. He’s confirmed this time and time again in different ways.
And so, every morning, my heart sings. Even the “bad” times are not so bad. Even when my child is up all hours of the night with gas pains, I don’t mind. Even when my husband works 70 hours a week, and I’ve had to go it alone…I don’t mind. Because I’ve been called. And the smile I get when I go to pick my son up out of his crib in the morning makes up for all of the hard times. When he coos at me while we grocery shop or when he falls asleep in my arms as we read “Goodnight Moon” – it makes every single day worth it.
So, yes- I WANT MORE. Duggar-style! 😀 Haha, just kidding (a little). I’m 30 years old, so to reach Duggar status, we would’ve had to start quite a while ago! But I would like at least 3 or 4, Lord-willing.
I love being his mother. It feels like such an honor and a privilege to have him…to be trusted with something so precious. Here is a fun back story about his name (Joseph). When I found out that he was a he, my husband and I had three boy names that we liked equally and we were having a hard time deciding on one of them. My prayer for this boy, since he was in the womb (and to this day), has always been in the form of three main requests:
- That he would love the Lord from a young age
- That he will live his life to bring God glory
- That he will add to the Lord’s kingdom here on Earth
So, one day, out of boredom, I looked up the meanings of the three names that we were trying to decide from. And I found this:
In that moment, the Lord said to me: “His name is Joseph.” So that is how we named our son!
Right now, my little one is asleep and he will soon wake up…so I need to spruce up the house a bit before the hubs gets home. I’m going to leave you with three of my favorite sermons from our church (link below with description of sermon beneath):
“Just because the Bible says God works all things together for our good, does not mean everything feels good all the time. But even though there are circumstances in our lives we didn’t choose to go through, God has given us the rights to call any circumstance a blessing in His name.”
“Every prejudice is handed down from somewhere. Let’s consider what we are handing down – whether we realize it or not – that shapes our lives, our families, and our communities.” (response to 2015 Charleston shootings)
“The Christian life is really great when things are going well. But what about that other times? What happens if we don’t see our desired outcome? In the sermon, Pastor Steven explains God’s purpose when we persevere through the process.”
I hope that these bless you in some way, and that they reach you right where you are in life right now. The Lord is good, every day, He is good.
Hugs, kisses, and blessings to you.