This morning, like every morning this week, I woke up with a sense of overwhelming anxiety. I have 3 exams this week, two of them are on the same day. I haven’t been able to go to my small group for the past three meetings and I find myself spending less and less time reading God’s word. I still talk to Him and He talks to me, but I find myself setting aside less time for Him. I used to read my Bible while eating breakfast or lunch, now I sit at the computer and look at school stuff or Facebook for a distraction. My Facebook posts and Pinterest pinning has increased- a clear sign that I’m busy with schoolwork (because I use those things to distract me).
And it’s not like I don’t feel it when it begins to happen. God taps me on the shoulder as soon as I sit down at the computer and says ‘Stacey??’. But I just sit there and say ‘I’ll read my Bible tonight after schoolwork. And I don’t. I hate the feeling this gives me. It’s like I’m in an ocean, and I can see God and He can see me. He calls to me and even though I have the ability to swim to Him, I don’t. I don’t help myself. I actually swim downward, deeper into the water instead of staying afloat and grabbing His hand.
I need to grab His hand.
I almost decided not to go to church this morning because of all the studying I need to do. But I quickly realized that is how I go from swimming downward on my own account, to being pulled downward. And if God the One by my side through all of this school stress, if He is the One holding my hand and still loving me even though I’ve put other things first, why would I miss a chance to praise and worship Him with people I love??? That’s just ridiculous. He deserves even MORE than that.
This morning I woke up, sat down at the computer at 6:30 to finish my 17 page study guide for renal physiology. I began playing these worship songs in the background:
Both of which brought tears to my eyes. Because God is good. And He is love.I used to pray for him to change my circumstances, like “God, please get me out of school. Please let this go by fast.” And one day, He said “I can’t make this go by fast. I can’t get you out of this. You signed up and now you are in school. I can give you joy. I can change your outlook.” And He did almost immediately. I love having the privilege of going to school. I love that I am a senior and do not have any debt, I love that He has blessed me with this experience, though it sometimes doesn’t feel like a blessing. I love that I don’t have to wait for Him to bring me out of school so that He can use me- He uses me right where I am and as I am. Degree or no degree.
I guess the point of this post was just to say that, it doesn’t matter what you are going through. God is beautiful and the greatest friend and father that one can ever have. If he can’t bring you out of your circumstances, you can be sure that He will be right beside you while you go through it. You can be sure that He will laugh and cry with you and share in your pain. Because you are His child and He loves you.
And He’ll never let you forget that love, no matter what. So don’t keep swimming downward toward things that won’t matter…things that don’t help you through. Reach out and take His hand. Give Him the chance to pull you out and embrace you.
I hope your weekend/week was swell. Thank God for this beautiful day and for extending His grace once more to us so that we can continue this thing called life. Love is sent your way…